The deadly silence killed again. It struck his heart. The past haunted him, and still does. Just like a bleeding wound, his memories trail him everywhere, not being able to escape, perhaps, FOREVER. He recalls a sentence made by his friend, “You saw something you wanted really badly across the quicksand, despite knowing the consequences, you still went for it. Now you want to come out, but it seems pretty impossible. Even if you do, those scars will haunt you forever.” Those words echoed in his mind like church bells in an empty hall. He took the wrong path. It all started with a wrong sight, a wrong thought, a wrong choice. And now there he was, staring into the night sky, alone. Without a soul, wihout a spirit to live with. Regrets cling on to his heart, his thoughts tear him apart every now and then. Tears held back, words kept, and emotions hid. And where does this path of life leads him to? Nothingness? Turning back, only to see his entire path, of dried blood and flesh, never changing its direction by the slightest. The silence reminds him of his loneliness again, and whereby this world is not there for us. The past abandoned for the future in the shadow, and things let go for nothing. “Which he has not, which he cannot give.” At the end of everything, he has nothing. Only surrounded by conflicts, he gets struck from behind while watching the one before his eyes. The devilish thoughts, just like ghouls, murmur to him throughout his suffering days, as though expecting more of him, when he’s at his limit. Walking the never-ending desert, wishing for a gunshot than bleeding limbs, gasping for air and screaming for help. Recalling his younger days, that fun, that smile that never leaved his face, wihout having to wear a mask, with people that have smiles pinned on their faces. Right now, he just wants to live his life again, only halfway through, and just die.
As
As the sun shines brightly,
As the mountains turns green,
As the scene turns beautiful,
As paths are taken,
The future awaits.
As the water flow down hills again,
As the sun rises and sets again,
As the light passes through trees again,
As lies are told,
The truth conceals.
As peaks in the distance grows cold,
As the sea sway with huge waves,
As the lands are flooded with water,
As hearts are cut,
The chaos wrecks.
As flower buds bloom together,
As the sand seperates the land,
As the white clouds slowly drift away,
As cries are ignored,
The past haunts.
As the beautiful rainbows disappear suddenly,
As dried leaves fall off trees,
As snow covers the huge land,
As ways are changed,
The present ends.
Nostalgic And Thoughtful Night..
Upon reaching his neighborhood gate, the wind that is constantly blowing onto his face, the piano tune playing through the mp3 player that he just claimed from the school that was confiscated about a year ago, got him to feel again. That feeling that he had never felt for a long time. The feeling that is so unexplainable. The feeling that is partly sad, partly lonely, partly happy, partly nostalgic, and that gets him thinking. Where was the times where you laughed so hard till you dropped? Where was the times where you laughed till you can’t stop? This year. This year that started with pain and blood, without knowing what’s next to come. The song reminds him of the times where he went through things happily, especially during the holidays. Swerving into his car park, he immediatly steps out, heading towards the Peace Corner. He didn’t know the last time where there was so much wind, which totally reminded his during the holidays. That was the time where he fell in love with the wind, that could make him so happy and calm. The wind that was loved by him that once, came back into his life again. The wind that could make him stay, the cooling night wind that could make him feel nostalgic and get him into the thinking mood. During times of chaos like these, during times of doubt and hatred like these, he could smile and say to himself, Life’s good. The wind that could make him do so much. Flashbacking about his life years ago, he wanted to live through it again, like watching a movie. Memories from then plays in his mind like a fast-forwarded movie. The wind blowing, shaking leaves on trees surrounding him, accompanied by the cricket’s rubbing in the distance, brought a smile to his face. The sky had stars shimmering above, and night lights glowing around. He got the feeling that, while it may be weird to others, he has always believed signs from God, God was telling him, with the strong wind and the rustling leaves, with the diamonds shining and the annoying cricket’s in the distance, with the lights surrounding him and his father’s muffled voice, to start a new life, even if you have to make some changes, we will be here for you, leave your hatred behind, keep your friends close and don’t leave the small things behind. He had loved the wind so much. A rush of love comes back to him for the night itself. His mother has always told him that he was a Scorpio in the Horoscope, a Water sign, but it never made sense to him. Thinking back into the afternoon, where he had revisited his primary school for a mere few minutes, had brought him back plenty of childhood memories, those at school with his moves to his grandmother’s caring at home. It reminded him of that happy, care-free and crazy life that he once had. Flipping through the pages of the past, he had learned so much, thanks to all to all the people around him, especially his friends and his beloved mother. Life around him seems to be repeating itself nowadays, but his mother suggests that the universe is going under something, that brings up all the darkness in the world, and makes life pretty much boring. To him, history is repeating itself. The jangling of his dog’s chain reminded him of his dog waiting patiently for him, just as he relaxes in the garden. As he watched the new movie Marley & Me, which brings him to the conciousness of how he treats his dogs, it opened his eyes and have more of a considerate thinking from now on. In the movie, it narrated, ‘Give him your heart, and he will give you his.’ And for that, he won a heart back, a warm heart that will never die of love. And as the wind blows again, he falls into a dream.
Dogs
They listen to you when no one does,
To your happiness or all your fuss,
They make you smile when you frown,
They are always there when you’re down.
They watch you till you sleep at night,
Or keep it safe with all its might,
They lick your wounds and play with you,
They even have fun playing fetch too.
They bark at people they don’t know,
And at those that may be a scary foe,
They sit with you when you’re alone,
They eat most things and even your bones.
They sniff your shoes and kiss your face,
No matter what’s your colour or race,
They follow your steps side by side,
They know where you went when you lied.
They wait for you while you’re having meals,
Waving goodbye when you’re off on wheels,
They wag their tails when you come back,
They are someone that you can never lack.
They give their hearts if you do the same,
Rushing to you when you call their names,
They have fur that keep you warm and strong,
They hint you sometimes when you’re wrong.
They walk and jog with you at the parks,
Stopping here and there to make their marks,
They drool around when they want to eat,
They are the ones that stay by your feet.
They are cute, smart, loyal and playful,
There at your worst to say your beautiful,
They’re like companions, to clear your fog,
Now how can you live, without your dog?
Inspired by the movie Marley & Me. Very touching and great movie. To my dogs, Ahai, Milo and Toro.
The Frozen Forest
Roots binded under the warm winter,
Of trees huge, old and strong,
Hollow soil lacking of water,
Branches growing, all but long.
Snow piled on soft cold ground,
Barks standing solid of frozen cores,
Leaves concealing fruits that may be found,
Holding up frozen flakes that pour.
Froze as a creature in flames arrives,
Shaking the earth and melting the snow,
Steps between ashes and frozen lies,
Awaiting fate by an inferno.
Engulfed in hatred, a tree of wisdom,
Roots burned black and branches hot,
Fake reflections upon the kingdom,
Whispers ignored, blinded by thoughts.
Smoke fogged in mist of ignorance,
Days freeze as wisdom unlearns,
Imagination twists clouds of tolerance,
The rain falls as everything burns.
Is there nothing interesting in life anymore..?
Nothing is really that happy in life anymore. That spark of happiness has dissappeared from his life. Where’s that sense of satisfaction in life that has been long gone? God knows. His mother told him that it’s some kind of thing in the universe that is happening. Something that makes people get bored of some sort. Things in life feel misplaced, time for him seem extended, but always short of time, rushing here and there. Time didn’t feel like time anymore. Moments, happy moments, never felt like the way it did before. Things changed. But as the quote says, “Things don’t change. People do.” In that case, what is this change in life that is unbearable..? As Alvin Toffler quotes, “Change is not merely necessary to life — it is life.” Then what should he do..? Accept this change in life that is so weird, so abnormal, so unhappy? Never once that he had felt this way before, and he is totally clueless about it. If he were to accept everything, wouldn’t it be all right..? But losing friends, seeing them going against each other is surely unacceptable, especially for him that can’t even see a friend down. This is unnaceptable.
Had God put all of us on a different lane?
Nowadays..life is no longer..enjoyable for him anymore. Everyone is totally clueless about what has happened to life. Where was the smiles? Where was the laughs? Where was the happiness that we once all had? Has life changed for the worst for us? In his small little world, that has not much difference if put out, has been chaos, chaos, and chaos lately. Somehow everyone’s lives is just either plain boring or weeping sadness all the time. Is there all that the universe has to give them? He and his circle of friends? They were all expecting, looking forward to and even trying their best, to have those good times that they once had two years ago. Laughing like mad around the class, having fun in everything that they did, those..HAPPY times..Now there are doubts everywhere, in everyone, about everything and anything. Nothing feels so..secure anymore. But they keep telling themselves, this is life, this is life, while knowing that it’s not. This is not the life that they wanted, this is not the life that they once knew, this is not the life that they lived. What does God wants to teach us this time? And why? Questions rush through their minds, preparing for the worst, but never for the worst right under their noses. They need someone now, someone that can make all that difference.
Our Uncontrollable Mind..
His mind, which was actually supposed to be his, his own world, his own wonder-land, his own imagination, his own..MIND, is somehow uncontrollable to him anymore. This thoughts that stick to his mind like glue, which can turn him into a very quiet person all of a sudden, just sitting there, right in the middle of the chaos in class, the eye of the storm.
Feeling the loneliness that he could feel,
Feeling the worrying that kept him still,
Letting these emotions lose his will,
Letting these come over him till he kneels.
All that could save him from this misery was his friends, his laughter that revived him from the dead, friend’s caring that made him smile, how could he survive without his friends now..? Imagining himself in a world..without friends..without things..without music..without..EVERYTHING..how could ANYONE survive in a world like that..? Without others to react, to reflect on you every single day on what YOU did. To not able to learn the lessons that we have in our everyday life, while most of us don’t even appreciate any of those nowadays. The picture of his childhood years caught his eyes right beside his precious laptop. He looked so..so..happy in there, with that cute smile of his, brings him into wonder, was it his own dear mother that brought him up in so much joy..? Or just maybe that he was too small by then, too small to understand anything, as the saying goes:”Ignorance is bliss.” huh..?
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYONE..!!!
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYONE..!!!!..Chinese new year, one of the best week of the year, is sneaking up on us where at the speed that we know but not realise. But oh what the heck, I’m quite positive that we would go round saying :”Gong Xi Fa Cai, Ang Pao Na Lai!” *laughs*. To wish everyone here the happiness..(I can’t think of more xD..) and the LUCK to get FIRECRACKERS..!!!! WOW how happy if I got my hands on that..it would be finished as soon I see it! xD..anyway..just have a great time everyone..!!!
Note: I’m not a racist, since it IS named happy CHNESE new year.
An..Unexperienced Week..
The whole week that flew past by him at the speed of light has he never experienced before. The feeling of being on the edge of sad, dissappointment and happiness. Of course being with his friends would bring him just back to his old self, or rather that self that he is really happy, or being alone would bring him to world of his own, in his mind. The realm that is currently full of sadness, dissppointment, doubts, worrying, discouragement, left alone and even the feeling of lost in this world. For the past three days he had this weird feeling. A tearing of two sides to a decision, but still going to what is actually not good for his “reputation”. Thoughts that is super-glued to his mind, distraction to his studies and when anyone is talking and even to his thoughts.
Should I continue..? This ‘work’ or effort of mine, is it worth it..? Does it EVEN benefit me in ANYWAY..? What is to happen in the near future..? Barraged by questions, he would find a friend to laugh with, releasing the tension the chaos creates. Thinking back, there was this morning where he was sitting at the school compound when the assembly is going on, he saw this file of his friend, Jia Jin, this yellowish-white one, which he always brings around. The drawing, the drawing of the all-so-famous Bleach, was blurred by the space in between the plastic and paper. To view it clearly, even though he already seen that original drawing for countless of times, he pressed the layer against the paper, making it visible. Press, release, press, release..The image came to crystal clear once the layer touched that piece of thin wood. As though another message that in life, some things, especially of others, is rather unknown or kept secret from you. If we really want to know about something or rather do something about it, we must not only talk about it, but to take out that effort and raise our hand to push that distance away, to really see what is happening, rather than judging and assuming all the way along. “Assuming brings the shit out of you and me.”
